catrocks03’s blog

theres this guy at work at like im not naming names cos you never know who reads this haha

i dont know why i like him so much haha hes not even the typical type i wud be amazed over but theres something about him i cant put my finger on it haha just like my lust for russel brand.
its stupid you know we barely even talk its just a bit of too much eye contact here and lots of smiles there.

it gets to the point where i cant look him in the eye properly and i go red when he talks to me haha.

i need to do something about this soon because its driving me crazy seriously. i havent had a mega crush for quite a few years now and ive forgotten quite how to handle them.

this would be so much easier if for instance he had facebook. then i could just suggestfully poke him to death.
id just like to mention this doesnt mean i like facebook, i hate it, but god i wish i knew his last name haha

I jus want to know more about him.....what is it about him?

cherish- that boy
kate nash- we get on
are two songs that really apply here

WHY AM I SO OBSESSED :-|

I'm not.

I have different friends, different intrestes, different ways...I even look different. Ive cut out half of my old friends.

And there tom and chaz sit tryin to spark off another silly argument....I just.. I dont do that anymore! Like chaz left a comment sayin "jus wanna say" (yes im totally serious its like her famous rite here is my argument to start shit off) "u started dis my slaggin me off 2 freddi. i dotn care wot u say 2 im jus leave me alone". I just laffed and comment bak "I have said barely nefin 2 u 2 freddi jus said wot i fort of u slaggin me off. i didnt start nefin chaz because there is nothing to start, there is no situation here me and u aint m8s and avent bin 4 a long time i fort dat was obvious. 2bh im much 2 busy for this, u and this situ mean shit 2 me bye." and she deleted it to make it lk like she won d argument. loser lol. she dnt care who she looses as long as she got an argument for her audidence to see and laff and fink she wins. shes all about image. just like im not cat anymore she aint chaz anymore. and tom today realising id forgot to bloock him on fbook left a comment on my page saying how r u shit head. blatently tryin 2 start something. a year ago i mite off gone off on 1 and he wud of relished but 2bh i reli cant be bothered this yr. jus said grow up2  tom im 2 busy for this. cnt be bothered with childish arguments i dnt wna be apart of. gna block u now. av a gd bday bye"....
thing is i dont hate them
i dont
i just dont like them. end of.

also my mums started to reli piss me off i dnt kno y she thinks she can talk 2 me the way she is im the only daughter that stil talks to her.
i havent forgotten when she ran off leaving me in year 9 to find the note and tell everyone, or the next time a fu months later, or the next time makin me feel resposible becuz after stayin in lds to ensure she didnt leave i went rnd a m8s and she bolted. i havent forgotten how i had to sit in the car confused out of my head while my dad told me i had to cry to make her come back and that i was his secret weapon. i havent forgotten how id sit with all the what ifs about if i hadnt gone on a chatroom ever maybe she wudnt get curious. i havent forgotten how every time she left the house and everytime i got home from school id check her wardrobe to make sure her clothes were still there. i havent forgotten when shed ring me up for ages crying and crying while i sat there not knowing what to say. i havent forgotten her ringing me up telling me she wanted to take an overdose. i havent forgotten when she starved herself and her skin sagged and she looked disgusting. i havent forgotten how it left my dad so bad id have to get up pretending to get a drink when i heard him get up in nite so i cud make sure he wasnt takin an overdose. i havent forgotten her digs at my step mum and at my dad. i havent forgotten any of that and much more.

maybe i shud of not spoke 2 her like liz and caroline.
shes takin me 4 granted.
flipping jus cuz i asked to borrow some money for my friends 18th.
i know i didnt spend a huge amount on her but i spent my time makin her a card and a poem to go with her present and i bought the present ouf of my xmas money- money i was given to spend on ME not anyone else but ME and no my dad wouldnt jus giv me money 4 it cos he doesnt do that.

im fed up with so many ppl atm but to lecture over all of them wud be so annoyin

i dont kno maybe im jus in one of those weird moods.

also concerned lol my last time of ze month was at the start of december....its now 31st january...the latest ive bin since goin on (and comin off) the pill is 2 weeks. maybe ive jus mised 1 cos of stress.

i cant be preg cos i havent had sex

so dont even kno y im concerned :S

maybe its cos i wasnt eatin properly and was eatin stuff like 2 crackers in 1 day n stuff

ive kinda ended that atm i cant do it in the winter cos im always starvin and dont have the energy. hopefully i can do it whent he sun comes out. i always have so much more energy then and eat hardly nefin.

i have an interview at winchester uni on the 13th, hope i get in.....

im not gonna say nemore cos im not happy cat am

im in a really angry mood seriously im in one of those moods where my hand is aching to punch someone and i need to wind down do some work and forget about the dicks in my life

so me and linzi are dieting and excecising together

starting friday

so my days will be like this up until xmas eve where i will take time off

Brekkie- a bowl of cereal or an apple

Lunch- nothing or up to 3 crackers

Dinner- nothing or a sandwitch

Throughout the day ill drink lots of juice and water to fill up and we'll do excercising. il be at my mums so i can get away with it cos ill either say im tryin 2 loose weight or im feeling ill

ill meet up with linz lots to keep motivated well go 2 parks and do excercise dvds together and keep each other motivated

me and linz are talking bt it on msn atm we're quite excited about it.
Linz is a size 16 tho shes not sure of her weight she guesses 13 stone i think shes more like 11/12. she says she wants to loose 2 dress sizes.

I am a size 10 on top and 12 on bottom tho 12s r slightly baggy and come off the 10s r much too tight. I am 10 1/2 to 10 3/4 stone i thort i was 10 but i used working scales lol and i was jus bellow 11. So i want to go down to about 9 or 9 and a half and i aim for about size 8.

i do not care if loose my tits my legs and arms and belly will benefit from it.

im really motivated and excited and supporitve :D

We can do it linz!

luv u!

bra brothers & ana sisters foreva n always bbz!

xxxxxxx

Right well ive been thinking about it for a good while now. Careers, uni, all that stuff

and abouts now the time i need to do it.

Im going to Uni. And im not going to take a gap year like Linzi suggested. I wanna go when everythings fresh in my mind. Ill be in debt, it'll be hard work blah blah blah fuck it. Im going to try.
And im really gonna use this review work to catch up.

Fuck what Kim said! Im bouncing back from her pathetic criticism. Im gonna do so well on my second block of placement and essays she wont have shit to say!

So fuck her and fuck everyone who says i cant do it INCLUDING MY DAD fuck u all ill prove u all wrong!

Im sorting my life out and im gonna be a teacher.

JUST WATCH ME

ps. that is all.

-x-

Gosh im sooo stressed atm haha i sound like a baby but i ammm!
Have sooo much work

Half term? What half term? _I_ have to stay in (y) also not sure what to do- family wants me to go swimming with them and i only have a bikini wot can i do haha im gona ahve to buy a swim suit or something i will look stupid! lol

Cud be worse...cud be on or something lol

Im listening to mariah carey & westlife against all odds atm haha. Me and my mate will used to listen to it messin about we wer liek yeh m8 its ourrrr songg haha. I miss him. Hes never online anymore. He was on the other day and i was like omggggosshhh ur never online and we played solitare showdown haha beat him a few times for once lol hes the only person i kno on msn worth playin a game with cos hes so good at it!

Got a threatening email from Ella (pauls gf) (paul is my ex if any of u forgot) saying if i ever go near paul again shes gonna kick my head in. She hates that i see him so much ffs we're just mates reli. I was like im not having some jealous possesive girlfriend tellin me who to be friends with. But 2bh i had so much college work to do last nite i reli cudnt be bothered with childish pathetic arguments and was liek reli mature about it. I did the last emai ;) I love to get the last word im SO mature. I havent got a problem with her but i really dont think she shud be saying stuff like that to me atm cos i kno paul hates that type of thing lol

I look so ruff atm i hope ben doesnt bring round any of his fit mates.

the other day i come down in a towel 2 gt a drink. didnt fink it wud matter cos he was in da shower. i walk down and ther is a random FIT guy in my livin room. Omgzzzz i cud of died! If he was mingin it wudnt matter that much :P I looked at him in shock for a minute then walked very quickly into the kitchen. I looked a state as well haha wet hair, smudged mascara. omg worst meetin ever haha

Well joe got stabbed in australia. in the head. Hes ok- got 11 staples in his head. Havent spoke much to him since. When he was down here we were really close. When he left for the first week we were all both like "missss youuu" but now its like general chit chat then "yeh bye" not even ne x's. Im probably a typical girl and reading into everything but lately i havent thought about him hardly at all and considering i thought of him as one of my best m8s and my best boy m8 that wasnt gay ud think id be missing him more. Its only 2/3 weeks since hes been gone yet it feels like ages now. I miss jus being able to ring him up n say im bored im comin ova and jus chill out watchin films drinkin. thers no1 i can do that with really. i used to be able to meet paul and drink n watch films but since ella came in2  the pic it was less easy cos it seems dodgy if just me n him meet up. He mite aswell jus break up wiv ella he says he doesnt love her and wants to sleep around. He was like da only guy i fort was like mr relationship lol

Anyways im off now cya!

I have reli had enuff dis week

in 7 days i have...

had one of my best friends move completly to the other side of the world
realised after a billion let downs a guy i fort was a reli gd m8 finally again was actually jus cin me when he felt like it and cudnt be fukd to put effort in2 our friendship
had barely enuff sleep to function cos i cant get to sleep
had the worst review ever nd bin told if i dont do perfect at dis placement im gonna have 2 retake this 2 yr course which i cant do cos it gosts like 1.5 grand after ur 19
had my msn and possibly hacked and had sum pathetic dik hed writing shit 2 me IN A CONVO callin me shit like slut and dat and it looked like i was talkin 2 myself
had my tutor tell me i cant have a social life and i cant have review week off cos i need to do work all day every day
met a guy who i thort was a real life den had a big fuk off argument with me

and most of the week i have felt sad ALL week ive even cried for no reason

i look in da mirror nd its a fukin big fat lump

last time i saw my grandpa he was so frail i dont kno if i will see him again i kno hes gonan die soon- in the next 2 yrs

i reli need a hug rite now andi cant get one cos the guy i used to get my hugs from and get cheered up by is GONE TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD

i reli reli reli hope im jus hormonal or due on or sumfing i cant go on feeling like this

wish sum1 wud give me a hug and tell me everythings gona be ok

whats rong wiv me

why am i so upset

i dnt understand

The other winter it said it would be the coldest record on winter n all this problems would arise.
It didnt even snow.

This summer it said it would be the hottest summer recorded. It was actually the wettest! I burn nearly every summer. I sunburnt once this summer. When? APRIL!

Why dont the so called experts just admit they dont have a clue whats gonna happen and that their weather reports are ACTUALLY just as accurate as the made up horoscopes in most teen magazines.

In other news i went in pauls car the other day. Met him, tom, chaz, hugh and hughs gf. Was fukin WEIRD cos it was the first time i saw him non romantically. Tho i luked at him and he is not fit. :)
WHERE have all the fit lads gone tho? Me and linz will have to mission to find this out im sure theyre hiding somewhere in the college. I need a guy hahahahahaa i miss havin a boyfriend. Well i dont but i do.

oh its weird.

im so pissed off i arrange wiv numerous ppl 2 meet up n u all fukin ignroin me

wot is it cos ur english u jus fink ignoring me is much easier than sayin no

cnt belive i fink of u as m8s

fukin twats

CUNTS

ARGH so angry

and nto cos vodka makes me angry

cos im fukin psised off

i jus wana break sumbodys face in half rite now omg im so furiouis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!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I see you and i dont even know who u

every memory is gone

i look into u and im lookin at the face of the stranger

how can u tell me i used to love u i dont even know u

its like im lookin as an outsider its memories that have long gone

ur holding on to something i thought i had but never did

why are u doing this create new ones with someone who does

u found ur new girl so be

what is this some mind fuck game

the problem is they dont work anymore

they used to i used to get so caught up over everything

that dumb girl died.

i dont know how to explain it to you really

i saw a picture of you and her together and i didnt even recognise you

it seems like i havent seen you in years forget weeks/months

and the way u lie when u kno what ur saying cant be done

and i kno ur lying but i play along to ur sily game to keep u happy

i remember how u used to plague my house with phone calls

when u called at 1am wtf cos we had an argument

sure i remember but it feels so long ago it doesnt feel like it happened

why do u keep asking me to remember something that is back in the past

you...i know this sounds weird but you arent a person to me

your like someone i never even knew

u know...those people u have on msn

theyre from whatever finaland, sweeden, who cares its not like u ever talk 2 em

stop trying.

there was a girl waitin for u to try and she gave up.

i dont care anymore

im not me anymore.

im not the person ur tryin 2 mess around with

why cant u fukin see that.

just stop.